I started college today, FINALLY! After floundering for so long, I'm FINALLY doing it. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal to most, but it's big to me. And the other person who it would've been a HUGE deal to was Grandma. Every time I close my eyes, I see her just BEAMING with excitement for me. And then I open my eyes only to realize that she's gone.
I imagine that Grandma wants me to know that she's watching, cheering me on. I imagine she wants me to know that my "Heavenly Cheering Section" is overflowing.
When I was younger, I lost my Dad. He passed away due to a second stroke. At that place in my life, his death was my ultimate excuse. I checked out completely, and in essence killed any spirit that I had. I was of the mindset that "if Dad can't see me doing well, the FUCK IT." That continued for the following 5 years.
This time, however... having learned from cleaning up my own wounds, I'm not checking out. I'm NOT giving up. Dispite the battle that wages within my own mind from day to day, I'm NOT giving up.
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